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Full Version: My thoughts on true friendship?
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True friendship is always without a cause. If there is a cause, it is just association, not friendship. And there is a great difference between association and friendship.
If two persons are traveling by a common route, they can come together and become friendly to each other -- but it is not friendship. Reaching their destination they will part company. Friendship based on a common addiction is like friendship between fellow travelers. It is friendship in name only.
The truth is that friendship always happens between persons of opposite orientations. The opposite attracts, is the rule. The more opposite two per sons are, the deeper their friendship. In fact, opposites are not really opposites, they are complementary to each other. Because of it you will rarely find two equally intelligent persons making friends; if they do they will only quarrel and wrangle over every conceivable issue. An intelligent person will find a stupid partner to join him in friendship, so they complement each other.
Two powerful persons will not make friends; not even two persons having the same skills. You will rarely come across two poets or two painters as intimate friends. If two poets become friends, the cause of friendship will be something other than poetry. Maybe they drink together or gamble together, but then it is association and not friendship.
Psychologists believe if there is intimate friendship between two men, deep down it is a homosexual relationship. Similarly they think any such intimacy between two women to be homosexual. You will find it difficult to agree with the psychologists, but there is some element of truth in what they say. It has been observed that more or less everyone misses the intimate friendship of his early years for the test of his life, because there is a phase of homosexual relationship in everyone's life in his adolescence. Before they get interested in the opposite sex boys get interested in boys and girls in girls. In fact, before they attain sexual maturity there is not much difference between a boy and a girl as far as sex is concerned. So boys become interested in boys and girls in girls. For this reason friendships struck in the early years are so enduring.
After they attain sexual maturity, boys and girls who are psychologically natural and normal begin to take interest in the opposite sex. Then they become what psychologists call heterosexual. Old relationships are forgotten and new intimacies with the opposite sex begin to build up. Of course, about twenty to thirty percent of young men and women remain fixed at their adolescence, which means their psychological age is stuck at fourteen years. It means they are not growing psychologically; they are stunted and sick and need psychotherapy.
If a young woman of twenty-five continues to be interested in members of her own sex, if she refuses to take interest in some young men, there is certainly something wrong with her psyche and she needs treatment. It does not mean that now they will not enter into friendship with any members of their own sex; they will -- but it will be a kind of association, it can. not be real friendship. Two men or women will be friends if they are members of the same club -- say the Rotary Club, or if they subscribe to the same political ideology -- say communism, or they are disciples of the same guru. But these relationships can never have the depth and intimacy of the early years.